Today I went out for a diner breakfast by myself. If you’d seen me, eating my eggs over easy and dipping the fries into the yolk and drinking coffee, you would not have thought that this was a big deal.
But it was.
I have been realizing lately how frugal I am with myself. Always going to TJ Maxx instead of Bloomingdales, for instance. Pancake is welcome at both places and maybe it was my projection but I swear the first time I took her into the main cosmetics concourse at Bloomingdales, she looked at me as if to say, “Why have we been slumming at TJ Maxx when this marvelous place is two lousy blocks away?”
I think my mindset has always been that disaster might be around the corner, that I will need some sort of emergency stash and that I need to be prepared….and these things might be legit, but I also think that there is a strain of rarely (if ever) pampering myself – and that attitude definitely leaks into other parts of my life. I have always thought, for instance, that I have had to take any job that was offered to me. But when I got laid off last year I noticed that I had a very different attitude about it. That I was NOT going to apply for anything that came up just so I could have a paycheck. That I had saved money and I did need a rest and time off to enjoy the passage of time. That I am resourceful enough that I can come up with what I need to, whether it’s money or decisions or new ideas to make it safely through the next passage. And I did.
So it’s about having a feeling of being fuller and safer in my approach to the future. And that it’s perfectly right to take some time and enjoy eggs and coffee; to feel satisfied in my belly – and in my head, too.